You work far too many hours during the winter and spring months and have time booked off that seems forever away. Finally, that time has come: festival season is upon us once more! If you’re a veteran, you’ll know what to expect: cramped conditions, lots of booze, a severe lack of sleep, suspicious burgers and an overwhelming whiff of excrement. If you’re a newbie, however, some of these things might take you by surprise. Don’t panic! Follow these simple instructions and you’ll be racing to do it all again next year.

Pick the right festival for you

Fact: festivals are not cheap. Unless you work every hour there is (and you probably don’t), chances are you’ll only be able to afford to attend one this summer. That’s why it’s important to pick the one that caters to your tastes the most.

Pack only the essentials

Clean-freaks: that shower you need so desperately every day can wait until after the festival. Besides, all those extra bottles add weight to your luggage. A few wet-wipes will do the trick just fine. A spare phone battery is also nifty and prevents you from wasting time and money at the on-site vendors.

Get to know your neighbours

You arrive at the campsite ready to crack on with the festivities, but there’s no music for at least another 24-hours. What better way to break in the atmosphere then making some new friends? It beats sitting alone in your tent waiting for the main event, that’s for sure.

NEVER use a pop-up tent

They may be cheap, but the slightest bit of rain will turn this temporary residence into an indoor swamp. Plus, there’s no space left inside after you’ve unpacked. A tent with a proper groundsheet and flysheet is more efficient and practical.

Wear earplugs

The average festival-goer never sleeps. With plenty of activities and campsite chaos going on long after the headline acts have finished, the shindig rarely comes to a standstill. However, if none of this appeals to you then you’ll definitely want to whack these in your ears at night.

Bring toilet roll and hand sanitizer

Festival toilets run out of both of these very quickly, but that’s because there’s 60,000+ of you. Take these useful items to every bog-stop and you’ve got nothing to worry about. Apart from the smell, of course, but that’s just part of what makes a festival an experience.

Watch what you eat

Food at festivals is always expensive, and eating too much of it will have you emptying your bowels when you should be having fun elsewhere. Pack a hexi-stove and some fuel blocks for the weekend to cook your own breakfast and stock-up on cereal bars. Sorted.

Stay hydrated

Whether the suns’ out or not, you’ll still be moving about a lot over the next few days. Work out where the water points are and bring plenty of spare bottles to fill up regularly. Just don’t blame me if you need to wee six times a night.

Be equipped for the weather

You can believe in any forecast you want, but only time will determine what the weather will be like. Bring plenty of sun lotion in case there’s a blaze and pack an anorak and wellies in the (more likely) event of rainfall. It is Britain, after all.

Have fun!

With the above dealt with, its time to get on with what you came here for. Go enjoy some great music, party with your friends and drink until your heart’s content. Just don’t get so content to the point where you want to sleep in the toilets instead of your tent.