Chapter 15
“I wish I was not confused, lost, angry, morbid, careless, sick, lifeless, hurting, full of hate, an ingrate, living in hell, totally lost and I’m living in my own personal hell!” The thoughts occupied my head  as she walked along the streets aimlessly. A beep summoned my senses to the cellular phone.
“Why you send me back those?” Jackie pondered reading the text messages. She reached for a lighter and lit a cigarette. Her eyes caught a car across the road and it sped up toward her. It was a ghost from her past. Her lips barked, “uncle Marcel,“
“You are all grown,” he said licking his lips. I began to shake and my hands reached into my pockets.
“Hear what shut the fuck up. You have problems and you don’t believe me at all. Please see a councillor,” the curse words stopped and the man left the vehicle and looked intensely at the shaking female breathing heavily.
“And you can hate me for all I cares ok. It doesn’t matter to me one bit ok,” the tongue-tied man fought to find words to stir her anger. He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her to the car. Jackie sprang into a rage and twisted until she was free from him. She pulled her knife from her pocket and plunged it into his chest.
“Hey!” the man screamed.
“Hello I don’t do nothing to you yet ok,” Jackie yelled, “I am going to cut you into pieces,” the words came tumbling down. He ran  into his car and Jackie stabbed him into the back. I ran from the car and closed my eyes. The car had disappear when I opened my eyes. I sighed and head up 2nd street toward my home. I puffed the cigarette as I walked hoping to drink some heavy liquor soon.
“You aren’t cold?” some guy blew the sound at me. My eyes turned in scorn. He murmured, “ok then good.” looking at the blooded knife in my hand.  My feet bolted up the streets. The little apartment was in sight. I could not wait to reach inside. The cellular phone rang as I got to the door.
“Yeah, I’m in bed but inside is hot though.. You must be cold still. So are you home?” Jackie said with an exhale. She unbutton her jeans and rubbed her flat belly.
“I just eat a bag noodle,” she breathed, “ok then I will. And that’s good please be safe on your way home ok. Text me when your home alright.” I lowered the phone. My body froze and my hands ran to my lips to cover the scream. Someone was in my bed and he had an erection. He jumped from the bed and locked the door. Then he pushed me to the bed and jumped atop of me. My feet shuffled to kick the weight off me and my hands fought the thick body.
“Get off me, you asshole,  I am going to kill you, uncle Marcel,” I screamed but I felt his manhood entering my froze body. He had his way with me and left me there in bed thinking.
“I am going to kill that asshole,” I thought as the tears flowed. “that asshole is dead.”  The cellular phone rang again and I manage to say,  “I can’t,“ Chin wanted me that night but I said no.
“Many reasons ok, many reasons and every time you ask me I will give you a different reason too,” I tried to explain
“Because I just kept my mouth shout and just let them have their way with me,” I thought as Chin began to curse about me. She did not understand that I was just raped by someone in this house that suppose to be my family.
“Yeah I know that,” she said as if she knew my pains and abuses. Drink and drugs took hold of me. My life started to change. Bags of dark flesh popped up under my eyes lids and my tears lingered. I laughed a lot but deep down I was dying inside.
“Thank for listening but I can’t say much my head hurts just going to stay low. My neck is swollen its ok so whenever,” I said.
“Alright I will stop text you then. Oh my no need to be mean to me.
What’s the problem? What cause this to happen awhile ago? please talk to me. well come for me then and come for me.” I was wrong to invite Chin over to get me. When I got to her house she rained licks all over my body. “Stop it. If is one thing I hate is people accusing me for something I don’t know or someone I haven’t been with.” Her tone became aggressive and her words were fighting her battle. She smashed the bottle she was drinking from and jumped toward the woman and cut her arm before the  woman slapped her twice. Her looks turned rough and her hair was breaking off. The heat of the day played on my skin and I stared at the sun.
“Right not I’m not in the cursing mood just want to have this day peacefully and get try to enjoy it ok. That’s all.”
“And I don’t know why people ever do that,” the words split up in two sobs.
“I swear leave me alone. You come in my life to haunt me to death. Just leave me alone Please I can’t take it, I can’t manage drama and stress and right now a that a happen.” I shouted at the woman. She squeezed my neck the whole time during the sex.
“Just take me home please,” I begged. Chin took me half way and dropped me off at the stoplight. And that when it happen, a car crept at my feet and a hand pulled me in the vehicle. I was raped and flung from the car. I got home and took a very cold shower. My heart had turned ice.