Chapter 5

“Let’s pray,” I heard the words and fear crawled over my body. His arms grabbed my shaking body in a hug. I felt the dirty hands squeezing my buttocks. His fingers spider  up my back in a rub and I pulled him from me.
“Let’s pray,” I breathed. The prayer was short. He stood there looking at me with happy eyes.
“Lighten up dear, today is your baptism,” the man said. He stepped forward and kissed me on the lips and quickly left the room. I wondered if baptism could change those sexual desires he planted in me.  I went to church dressed in white dress that hugged every inches of my body like a second skin. Eyes were glued on me and men dogged my movement. I felt a change and anxiously wanted to be dipped in the water and arose anew.
“Darn, I didn’t take a change of clothes, I will be soaked all over,” I said as Francis submerge me in the water. It felt cold. I looked at my body showing through the soaked dress and I ran from the church straight to a car. Francis took me home and never said a word.
“I am sorry, don’t be mad at me, ok,” I whispered as I unlocked the door and stared at the serious looking man walking behind me. He grabbed me and knitted his brows.
“I said I’m sorry ok,” I sobbed. I felt his embrace as he pressed his body against mine and I felt his body rise.
“Shit, what the fuck is wrong with you?” I beckoned, “you are freaking me out.” He pulled me away and looked at my body and then he ripped off my clothes and pushed his private part in me.
“Please, don’t do this,” Jackie screamed. I started to wonder about this god. How could the priest that I lived with for 5 years, molested me for five years from I was aged 9 to 14 years. Why did god allow so many bad things to happen to a little girl? Why, why should I be punished? After awhile my flesh stop burning and the tears had ran out. I felt bitter inside. Confused! Why was the lord doing this to me? The bible study began to take a different form. Francis knocked on my door and entered without a bible. He usually has one. I opened my legs and it was over like his preaching on Sunday. I hummed a song to take away the pain. These things happened I never even told my bf, but he’s the only one I actually trust with me and he was warm and comforting, had compassion for me, thought I was always beautiful and he captured my heart. Wasn’t a virgin when I met him. But he the 2nd man for me, never told him that either, or that I hated men because I am embarrassed. And my first bf wasn’t ideal. He took advantage of me and my innocence in a sense. I was wild, I would never trust anyone or talk up to my peers and teachers.
“And yes I’ve done oral before once though, in last year. But I’ve got it done to me four times.” I thought of Big John who did it to me while he could not get his private part up.
“Hey I have everything ok. When you see me I come with a full package ok. I can ride you so hard till you go mad.” I whispered in the boy’s ear that thought I was cute. It took my mind off my life. My eyes wandered in his quiet and unassuming face. Pete’s physical presence was unmistakable.  With big ears his green eyes stared at me.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” Jackie asked, “are you afraid?”
“No, I am not. It’s just that you and I did do something and my mind run back on it so I just looked at you and laugh but no I’m not nervous or anything,” He had a way with words that was music to my ears.
“Well you need to speak your mind ok. God know If I could slap your head,” I giggled. “just talk to me. oh well now you see the person I am ok.”
“Yeah I think I can,” he chuckled. Bad feelings were running through me and I fought the tears.
“Oh ok then I hear you,” I managed to say. He whispered something in my ears.
“Yeah I could do that for you yes,” I chuckled, “I like that.” We went into the bathroom and make out. The rain broke and water poured as our bodies caressed each other.
“I got to go,” Pete said and jumped to his feet. Jackie sat there with cold thoughts. She reached for the knife in backpack and slit her arm.
“Maybe, my blood would ran out,” she sobbed, “and I would be in a different world.”