Couples in love seem to flock to me like bees to honey

Public Displays of Affection – or PDAs – can mean anything from a peck on the cheek to squeeze of another type of cheek. All in all though, I can’t stand them.

Call me grumpy, call me gloomy, if you’re northern then go for ‘mardy’, but I can’t help how PDAs make me feel. They evoke involuntary and frankly, whilst in public, unwelcomed responses from myself. That can be anything from a ‘tut’, a shaking of the head and the more aggressive “get a room” possibly with a tut for good measure afterwards. And yet, for some unbeknown reason, I see them WHEREVER I go. The PDA cultish clan. It’s almost as though they seek me out. Those intertwined loved-up couples, arm in arm as they walk (or skip) down to the shops pulling each other along with their unrequited love – almost as if one lets go of the arm-in-arm situation, the other will flop on to the floor much like a footballer being tackled and feigning injury type response. I HATE every type of PDA.

More often than not, if you see these couples – I’ll most likely be dragging my sorry behind, well, behind them. This is because wherever I turn, they’re five paces in front. I’m sure they can smell the singleton aura around them wafting from my direction – that being a whiff of bitterness and sorrow.

I saw no fewer than six couples in a 10 minute walk to the shop the other day all ‘PDA’-ing. They all swooped around me, one after the other, like love vultures preying on their singleton dinner – myself being the metaphorical snack.
One couple stared into each other’s eyes longingly as they crossed the road, pecking each other as they strode happily together. As there was nowhere else to turn, I was forced to look on from behind and all I could think at that time was that they had completely walked over a crossing despite the red man saying otherwise. Thankfully, and obviously, it was their love that led them to safety. Of course it was. At this point I must admit, I was a little sick in my mouth. Oh, and I managed to tut for good measure.
Another pair actually stopped right in my path, right there, stopped dead just for a grope and a full on PDA session. There were arms flailing everywhere, clutching of faces, hair grabs – you name it, this couple were PDA masters. These were the types that would lead PDA seminars. I looked behind me, yep, I’d accidentally taken the turning signposted ‘Your Worst Nightmare 100 Yards’.
What’s worse is that I actually had to side-step the two lovebirds, a move in which I dodged death by inches from an oncoming bus as I was forced to venture on to the road, ironically on a red man pedestrian crossing warning.
Another twosome pashed (necked/snogged/politely groped) one another a yard in front of me at the checkout queue in a clothes shop. I mean, I get excited about the sales and money off but people, please – a bit of self-restraint wouldn’t go amiss, even if you were just so ridiculously happy to be buying 40 vest tops for a pound.

Couples: stop parading your sickly love in the face of all us singletons

I’m all for showing your true love what they mean to you. Of course I am. I do consider myself quite the romantic with trips away, gifts and little notes placed on the pillows etc but please all you longing lovers PDA respectably. I clearly don’t want to see what you both ate for lunch as you eat each other’s faces off in a fast food restaurant. Puts me right off my fillet-o-fish.
I know what you’re thinking and you’re right on the grumpy part, I do get ‘mardy’ from time to time. However, I feel exactly the same when I’m in a relationship regarding PDAs. I still can’t stand them and yet I’ve still managed to be in love without the desperately-hanging-on-to-your-partner-by-their-jean-back-pocket manoeuvre.

So please, happy couples, have a little more thought for us spinster-like loveless fools who have to be constantly reminded that they have no-one in their life as you parade yours directly in their faces. We know we’re single, we get it, our self-loathing tells us so. But please, just for us… GET A ROOM!