A country boy’s completely unwarranted take on pop psychology.

Under great duress I’m writing this frustrated and desperate letter and I’m urging you readers not to take it seriously. I am heavily under the influence of several drugs as well as alcohol and television, so I’m legally covered by temporary madness. I thought it wise to take advantage of this lapse in judgement to put the whole philosophy I live by on paper and then hope I get away with it unscathed. I know it’s uncool to tell others what you hold dear and true, but being the drunken animal that I am, I can’t be bothered. I’m doing this mainly because it’s just bewildering how so few people chill the f*** out anymore. It won’t hurt, I promise.

It all comes down to the conscious and subconscious mind, and ever since Tony Soprano drove Dr. Melfi bats*** crazy, I rather form my own opinions on psychology instead of believing the conventional theories. That means I’ve been secretly using myself and my friends as lab rats in irresponsible and disturbing brain-digging experiments. The thing about the human psyche is that it’s such an intricate labyrinth that most people who want to figure it out rationally either go crazy or die trying. It’s a fool’s game and the only way to go about it is with the appropriate tools: an open mind to drugs and promiscuity and a voice recorder. It’s a fugitive glance down Nietzche’s abyss, which shamelessly stares back in your eyes when you try to decipher it. Because the human mind is dominated by the ego, the best way to get around it, I found, is to treat it like an intruding animal in your back yard on a sunny Sunday. There’s nothing better to do than pick up the pistol or slingshot and kill the f***er. Even if it’s a devious bastard, you still have all day to shoot it down. It is a redundant and self-perpetuating tumour and if you don’t keep it in check the p***k will try and make you do stupid things for no good reason, such as getting a mediocre uni degree followed by a humiliating career in lettings. The key to the flush button to the latrine that is the human ego could be free will. John Milton knew it, and it made him feel like an a***hole.

Free will is nothing else than a muscle – in the sense that it needs exercise to develop and in the case you don’t ever use it, it will eventually wither and die out, leaving you a baffled robot giving the world a blank stare and not understanding much of anything. That’s the situation some of the population is in today and the hard task of waking up the masses is left to us, professionals, who don’t let ourselves be fooled by lame illusions such as the EGO.

What makes everybody trust their ego is the fact that there are consequences to free will and every conscious decision you make has to be stood up to or explained to the police, depending on the circumstances. You are never liable if you slip in the supermarket or if you spend your whole pay check at IKEA or if you take out a bad loan for a car you don’t need. Everybody else is doing it, so it’s okay. Chalking all the s*** up to bad luck is the way to go nowadays, and if you claim people should be aware of the power they’re holding within you will be labelled New Age/ hippie/ hipster and quickly locked up and neutered. That’s why they fear drugs, because people on drugs are less influenced by what others think and more influenced by what they need and want, on a basic, animalistic level – good times. At this point let’s raise our glasses to the nihilists; they are totally doing it right. God bless you, Johnny Depp, and all the characters you ever played, except Jack Sparrow who is just an infantile cliché.

I’m here to tell you about killing the weasel within, which feeds itself with the energy your heart excretes, becoming obese and disgusting, not letting nature follow its course. I wish that “disconcerned” was a real word. Being beyond concern. Life will go on. It won’t stop at me or at anybody else. Wait, what the f*** are those moving dots? Bugs? They’re horrible, they’re crawling all over my wall in all directions, little black bugs moving fast across my wall and desk distracting me from writing. I have to get rid of these disgusting insects before they take over my bed. I turned on the light and they disappeared. Never mind.

We are not the first civilisation on earth and we’re sure as hell not going to be the last. The illusion of permanence is what ruins the whole worldly experience for most people. If we had the balls to accept it as it is – a weird trip, an act of randomness that doesn’t have a fixed purpose or a preordained meaning, we would be having a lot of fun, and maybe, just maybe we would stop the killing, because we’d see it as pointless and wasteful. Only then we’d have really evolved as a species. Truth is, humanity never evolved at a core level, but only in appearance. We still have the same irrational mechanisms of thought we had thousands of years ago, even if now we’re carrying iPads instead of sharp rocks. The principle is the same and the futility of the bloody “journey” continues to be the only constant in the human condition across millennia. Proper sad, I might add.

Had it not been for the Ego we’d realise we are but one life, one love, etc. just like Bob Marley said. I mean, he was definitely onto something, after all, the man was considered a genius. Trouble with geniuses is they are never taken seriously, but more like clowns or freaks of nature, they induce fear rather than inspiration. They all tried to say the same thing, really, from Freddie Mercury to Jesus Christ, but it’s hilarious how we never really saw the essence of it.

It’s the same thing with spirituality and the so called fourth dimension. These are all manifestations of the unconscious and much like the dark web is 80% of the internet, the subconscious is 80% of the human mind. Or something like that. Funny how we almost deny the subconscious’ influence on the day-to-day, as if it doesn’t exist. The whole duality, the two facets of the coin that is human nature is in this question. God and Satan are nothing but the lit side of the moon and the dark side of it. What we understand of ourselves and what we don’t is all inside. The sooner we learn to love our inner evil the better for everyone. If rules define our species, then the self loathing that results is natural given the behaviourally challenged tw**s that we are – all caught up in phony beliefs and moral dilemmas. The only real moral dilemma is – are you going to keep sweeping the s*** under the rug or face the ugly shadow on the wall, which resembles the head of a cat. In a weird way feeling guilty doesn’t make you a better person. Ho

Ho. Amen, I said it. My house will be bombed to s*** any moment now.

There is more to life than heterochromatic prostitutes and pink cocaine, you know. Those things matter a lot, but you really have to find joy in the little stuff as well, otherwise depression is just a matter of time. Anybody who doesn’t admire the sunrise once in a while is doomed to die empty and alone with a head full of unanswered questions and a heart full of hate for a world he didn’t understand. Marijuana never killed anybody, nor did good music. Stop taking yourself so seriously, all your problems are small if you get the right, positive mindset. Knowledge and education are the only real power, and we all got it within – being eaten by that dingy weasel. Stop the lying and make peace with your family. The rest is bulls*** anyhow. Reading good books is also important. This Dr Seuss thing is getting too long, so let me stop myself before I get on my own nerves. You got the idea. Sweet dreams.

If you don’t agree why don’t you eat a bunch of mushrooms yourself, see if you can come up with something better?!