Ever wondered why you see thousands of X-factor hopefuls queuing but only a dozen performing for the judges? That’s because the majority of the nation – including the applicants – are ignorant to the reality of the X factor selection process…

The process involves 7 stages before you even get to clap eyes on the judges. Let’s have a brief run through them:

Stage 1:

Performing in front of a member of the production team with just a shoddy divider failing miserably to keep you distracted from the other singers around you.

Just a few questions – is this member of the production team guaranteed to be musically capable? Can you really sing to the best of your ability when there is a geezer screaming some slipknot next to you or a Mariah Carey wannabe reaching for those high notes? Is it fair that most members of the production team would deem a singer talented but it so happened to be that the one you got landed with feels differently…or just doesn’t like your hat?

BUT ALAS – does the talent even matter?

Josh Mannion – an insider, who happened to have auditioned for the latest batch of X Factor, spoke of how he was stunned to watch a ‘the next Lemar’ have his exceptional singing voice undermined when he was rejected – whilst a comically talent-less singer was granted a place.

If you are lucky enough to be handed a gold star into the next stage, you may be gearing yourself up for a performance with the judges. Sadly, you are still a long way off.

Stage 2:

Involves a similar set-up but instead of one member of the production team – you perform in front of a few members of the production team. At this stage, the ‘judges’ can take one look at you and decide you ‘haven’t got the right look’ or ‘aren’t right for the competition’ without even you getting the chance to tell them your name – never mind listening to your vocals.

Oh but if you have a sob story you definitely stand a better chance. A tear-jerker is something the producers can milk for views. Oh and babies. People seem to love those babies.

Lucky enough to pass to stage 2? You’re still not going to rub shoulders with the judges for a while yet.

Stage 3:

It’s time to show you stuff to the producers. Now the producer’s main concern is views…eccentric characters means views…views mean money. And this is why you see the crazies swearing at the judges over the talented ‘Lemar’ singer…because the British public, with great shamelessness, will watch the deluded wannabes and laugh. It’s easy, cheap TV at the expense of Britian’s talented folk.

If you impress the producers you might just be able to smell Tulisa’s perfume or even catch Louis’ tupe if there is a gust of wind as you almost at the ‘real judges’ stage.

Stage 4:

Telephone interview 1.  Expect a phone call to give you the chance to blag-sorry-thrill the producers about how interesting you are. Make sure you are interesting though, because if not…you may not get another call.

Stage 5:

Telephone interview 2. Again, make sure you are interesting … or slightly insane- this is a brand new person that you have to convince.

Stage 6:

Telephone interview 3.  You may not get another telephone interview, but if you do – take heed of the advice above. Maybe learn some jokes.

Stage 7:

Now you are on the stage. Now you get the chance to be on TV…but you probably won’t. Maybe you are even one of those talent-less singers which the producers think will bring an abundance of cash their way? Maybe you are really, really good at singing…but not good enough. Or maybe they can’t market you in the music industry?

Let’s be honest though; in a world where music is so readily available and the list of genres forever expanding – why are there such limitations and a rigid idea of who should be accepted? From Gaga, Presley, The Killers to Enya, Bob Marley and Skrillex – everybody has a place in the music industry.

Let’s, for a moment just examine the hypocrisy and downright fake behaviour of the judges. Why is Gary Barlow storming off a stage when a (self-admittedly not very talented) singer/entertainer performs? He is blatantly aware of the producer’s intentions at the first instance. Surely if he was so adamant on finding raw talent and not letting the ‘bad singers’ through, he would demand that he or other musically-minded people, like himself, judge singing ability. Yet again, Gary Barlow storming off the stage is a talking point; when people talk about a show, they watch that show, and when people watch that show – it equals money, money, money. Maybe it was genuine, maybe it was heartfelt but there is no denying that Rylan didn’t get so far on the show just by accident.

Forget that it’s just downright unfair that a bad singer in cat-suit beats you to a spot to the X Factor stage…isn’t it more unethical that bad singers are lied to – given false hope and adding to their disillusion that one day they will be an international global sensation?  Won’t this make them angrier when they make it to the stage performance – angry and confused that they passed all these stages for the judges and audience to then be so rude, cruel and laugh at their abilities? It’s slightly immoral.

Let’s forget about the fact that you dreams will be crushed when somebody with no music influence will reject you on the basis that you are not ‘completely barmy’ or that you are not Whitney Houston – let’s think about the travel expenses. Need to be there at 7 or 8 am? If you live outside of the city -you will need an early train, which will be expensive. Will you need to take a day off work? Will you need to arrange childcare? Sack it off; you stand a better chance by gigging in your local pubs, getting hits from your videos on Youtube and marketing yourself as YOURSELF.

It’s not that you shouldn’t audition for X Factor – give it a go by all means – you may be perfect for the show! But why are potential applicants not told the truth in terms of the selection process? Carry on X factor, but let people know what they are getting into.

If they were given a correct set of information then maybe they would weigh up the experience against incurring travel costs and wasting time. Ah, but if they were aware of the truth then maybe they wouldn’t bother and then there wouldn’t be streams of hopefuls dancing and shouting for cameras and the whole X factor saga would dissolve into nothing.

Good singer? Doesn’t matter, you probably have a better chance if you start mooning, kicking walls and generally acting a bit nutty to land a spot on X Factor.